I don't like crowds. More specifically, I don't like crowds of people who I know in a setting where I'm expected to mingle and have continuing conversations...aka...a party. Weird thing is, I like throwing parties. I like hosting. I love planning large events. But, I'd rather throw it and watch other people get to know each other. I don't like not having to do anything at the event other than make nice. I know that makes me sound horrible. And, I don't know why I'm like this. There's times when I'm so lonely it hurts. But, I'd rather just "hang out" with a couple of people. Even if we go to a crowded place. I can even effectively and enjoyably meet new people in a large crowd...as long as I don't have to have a long conversation with them about myself.
Actually, I can probably guess why this is. It's not something I like to think about. And, I'm not sure that I want it to change. But, I know I'm often misinterpreted as a snob, boring, upity, or standoffish. And, I know I don't want to be seen as that kind of person.
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