Even if a person understands that true joy and fulfillment only comes through God, and that nothing can compare to His love for us (Romans 8:30-39), there is still a natural longing for a partner. In Genesis 2, the whole reason God created woman was because man needed a companion. I’m convinced that everyone feels that desire. No matter how much a single person tries to appear tough, in control, and all-together, they still go home alone. Everyday. And, we were not made to be alone.
I know that God’s ways are higher than ours. I know that all good things come to those who wait. I know that patience is a virtue. But, all that knowing doesn’t take the pain away from a friend who is making the tough decision to leave an emotionally draining relationship. I doubt she wants to hear about the “other fish in the sea”. Who wants to be the one to tell this guy I know that, “as soon as he stops trying so hard” he’ll find the right one…after two divorces? And, I really don’t know that statements like, “trust that God knows what He’s doing” will make it any easier for my new friend to ever trust another woman after his wife just decided one day she was done being married. Oh, and just forget about ever getting through to that girl who swears she’s happy being single…until she has one too many drinks and then will hook up with any guy who pays attention to her. And, Heaven forbid anyone ever try to love these people again. Because, what makes them think the new person will be any different than the last? So, they get too clingy to the wrong person or run away from the right person. Walls. Baggage. Bad date after bad date. Another lonely night. One toxic, abusive relationship after another. Failed marriages. Broken hearts.
I know this is a real downer of a blog. But, it’s something I have truly been living recently. I do know that broken hearts can eventually be mended through the grace of God. I just wish there were guarantees that the continual sting of loss, hurt, and rejection would someday payoff.
the UR queen comes to intervene....again
ReplyDeleteWow, I feel this one. I have been the single happy girl waiting for anyone to pay attention. More than once.
I have been in two abusive relationships, Kel.
I have been beaten unconscious behind an apartment dumpster in Fayetteville, to wake up with broken teeth and a concussion to last almost a year.
I have watched a crazed grown man hit me, and my little boy, his own mother, and threaten to take his own life in front of us.
I have felt the betrayal of my parent's love, and spent some time in foster care as a child.
The need for love is tremendous.
The betrayal of love seems unforgiveable.
God's love at times seems a million unattainable miles away.
The cycle of abuse and abandonment is disgusting.
So, I said to it, with a tiny tiny, broken voice....please leave me alone so I can start new.
I had really hurt some men. Really. I didnt know how else to be. I knew it didnt fit my world view, the way I was acting. It wasnt fulfilling. I could look in the mirror and see I was a beautiful Irish Native American goddess, I didnt need a man in my bed to tell me that =)
Finally, one day, I let go, I completely surrendered. Completely. I had to pull my friends away from the drunk guys in bars. I said no to every date. I looked at my two gorgeous little boys and my empty bed, and for the first time, I smiled, and was totally ok with it all. With me. With my past? Well, I have a counselor for that, and we are still working, haha =)
Life is a big beautiful mess, and I wouldnt take back one hard lesson learned. I have a priceless wisdom in its place.
Only when I could completely, spiritually embrace lonely and empty, did my future husband come knocking at my door (literally). God is crazy and amazing. He saw me throwing myself out there over and over, and said, no way, youre not ready. Take care of all this mess first. It hurts. Its ridiculous. There is no one answer. Yet, its beautiful.
Thanks for sharing yourself, dear.
but what I really wanted to say, is, it IS ALL WORTH IT. its what you do with it.
ReplyDeleteI have experienced the utmost betrayals. I have been called every dirty filthy make you can imagine. I have felt I couldnt protect my children due to someone's misconstrued idea of 'love'.
I had no idea that this love I have existed. We are, (almost) perfect. No fights. No dirty words. No awkward junk. Just love and understanding (hey, im not as dysfunctional as I could have turned out, woo hoo!) Total balance. It just fell in our laps, like God had it all planned out and waiting.....=)
ok, ok, ok, one last comment, and I will shut it and go to bed...its just, I really feel I have a knowledge to share on this subject...
ReplyDeletemost of us are begging for love, and we dont even know it, and the simple act of 'spiritual begging' puts us in a bad place.
This quote is gold:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
— Marianne Williamson (A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of a Course in Miracles)
it has gotten me through so much!! If I was hurting, I would tell myself, who cares what human has hurt you, God has told you to shut up, stand up, and shine, so do it, woman!!! =)
You're right and so wise beyond your years. Love is a tough but beautiful thing. I too have been betrayed with a husband that couldn't stay faithful. I did everything the way I thought I was supposed to. We dated for 4yrs before we got married and I was a virgin. It was tough but I knew it was the right thing to do. I loved him more than I thought I could love someone. I didn't want to forgive him for breaking my heart but God spoke to me and told me that in order for us to be forgiven....we must forgive. Lesson Learned. I've never felt better.
ReplyDeleteI know God has a special person waiting for you. Please remember: God is NEVER early and NEVER late, but ALWAYS on time. He has a partner for you to share your life with. HIS timing will be perfect just like the partner he has created just for you.
You are such a special person and set a great example for young women.
Thanks for your very intimate, amazing post.
Thanks for your personal experience, UR. I like that quote. :-)
ReplyDeleteAnonymous #2...thank you for your personal experience as well. I appreciate the encouragement. Are you anonymous for a reason? Or may I ask who you are? I love to know who reads my posts.
Sometimes it's not just us that gets in the way of what God has for our lives, sometimes it is someone else's wrongdoing. Look at David and Uriah; Uriah died because of David's sin - all Uriah did was obey his king.
ReplyDeleteJesus was spotless, yet he suffered for our sins.
Sin can threaten us inevitably, but it can't overcome us. It tries to throw us off course, it tries to discourage us, and it tries to destroy us. Christ overcame sin; we are more than conquerors. God's grace ultimately abounds sin ... in all situations and circumstances.
As people sinned more and more, God’s wonderful grace became more abundant. Sin didn't, and doesn't, have a chance in competition with the aggressive forgiveness we call grace. When it's sin versus grace, grace wins hands down. All sin can do is threaten us with death, and that's the end of it. So just as sin ruled over all people and brought them to death, now God’s wonderful grace rules instead. Grace invites us into life, a life that goes on and on and on, world without end.
(Romans 5:20 - The Message Paraphrased)
So true! Remembering Jesus' blameless suffering definitely helps put our own suffering in perspective, doesn't it? Thanks for your input!
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