Oooo...Say it Again

Thanks for reading my blog. Really, I appreciate anyone who is interested enough in my randomness to make it through these musings. But, I just need to set this one up by saying, please don’t give me advice on this topic. Please don’t tell me what I’m doing wrong or what I should try. Don’t bother giving me the latest, “Ten Ways to…” because I’m sure I’ve already read that book. No opinions needed. Please DO share your story, your struggles, your personal thoughts. If we’re going to be real, let’s ALL be real. Because I’d wager that nobody is an expert in this field. Heck, I’m supposed to be the “expert” here.

I’m talking about relationships. Specifically, relationships with the opposite gender.

Dating. Ooooo…say it again. Dating. (Lion King reference for you who share my affinity for random movie quotes.) And, that’s the exact emotion that word evokes in me. “Oooo…say it again.” I LOVE to go out. I LOVE to be taken-out. But, I HATE dating. Actually, loathe would be a better word. Disgust, really. Dread. I think you get the picture. I hate the awkwardness of not knowing what to say to this person I hardly know. Believe it or not, I’m not the best at carrying a conversation. Sure, I can start one. I’m pretty good at those short verbal cues that encourage the other person to keep talking. But, please don’t ask me to tell you about myself. It makes me feel like I’m at a job interview. Here, let me tell you all the wonderful things about me so hopefully I’ll get a call back for a second interview. No thank you.

So, this probably makes you think I’m doomed to being single forever. But, I don’t understand why it has to be done like this. I like to just hang out. I like to get to know someone on a low-level of disclosure basis before the first date. I’ve always carried the belief that the best relationships come from the best friendships. And, any good marriage that I’ve seen, the couple will tell you that the other person is his/her best friend. Not that I would know personally. Every relationship I’ve had like this ends up with me being in the worst place possible. The. Friend. Zone. There’s no return. Once in the friend zone, always in the friend zone. I don’t understand why the physical attraction and “magic” has to come before the friendship. If a guy and girl are great friends, enjoy each other’s company, and know the crap about each other and still care for each other, then why not “try” a relationship at that point? If the friendship is strong enough, it’d survive a possible break-up. But, this obviously isn’t how it’s supposed to work. At least not for me. Have you seen that movie, “Made of Honor”? Yeah, that’s my life. Well, other than the whole going to Ireland and falling in love thing. HA!

Maybe I’m not cut out for a relationship. Maybe I don’t have the stuff it takes to “flirt”, “hook-em”, and all that other crap I guess a girl is supposed to do. I just want to spend time with someone, have some fun, and possibly have them look at me as something more than “just one of the guys”.

Maybe I don’t know what I want.